So, my mother is in town - she will be here through Thanksgiving. As Brett would point out, I always become more stressed when I visit her or visa-versa. I love her very much, and as I've said before, some of the best qualities in myself I learned from her. I am definalty a better person for having her in my life.

I feel very distant from her right now. And I know she senses it...and I know it hurts her right now. In that I feel bad.

I was thinking on this as I was driving to work, and the thought passed my mind; "Every time I let her close - I get hurt..." It came from no-where really, but none-the-less I think it hits a core spot in myself, and my feelings about my mother. I WILL get hurt. It is not a matter of choice (technically it is but I am weak - and I will open myself up for pain with her again). With that said, I don't think I have ever gotten over her ability to just up and dissappear under the umberella of "I'm taking care of myself now", without any consideration for those whom are hurt in her wake.

I share a deep love/pain relationship with my mother. As I am already in a 'spiritual' crisis of sorts - I am having a really hard time right now.

My father should be coming into town for Thanksgiving also. He does not bring the same stress as my mother, in general I am much more comfortable - but he does bring a few issues of his own. He shows his love by doing things - like fixing up our house, taking us to dinner, and a lot of busy work. My kids get frustrated by this, because they want the actual time with him. He means well, he has his own ways of keeping the distance.

Thanskgiving may tip the emotional roller-coaster I am on right over the top...I guess we'll see where we end up.